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On
7th July 2004, BamBam...Brian Alexander Monk
was taken by the Angels into Heaven. No doubt, with
his love of motorbikes, he jumped on the back of
the Angel's Harley and they rode off together.
Though you are so far away,
I think of you every single day.
You're here within this heart of mine,
And there you'll stay for infinite time.
Every day I love you more,
You're still the one that I adore.
Tho I cannot see you, I know you're here,
I can always feel when you are near.
Worlds apart but still as one,
The miles fall away till there are none.
With just a thought you are here with me,
And that's the way it will always be.
Two children out at play,
Neither of us knew what would happen that day.
The clichéd eyes...met for the first time,
And in that instant I knew you were mine.
For many years we were as one,
And thought we would be for the years to come.
But it wasn't written in our fate that way,
We couldn't fight it and have our say.
Empty years with sadness and pain,
Hoping to see one another again.
Neither of us thought our dreams would come true,
Until Friends Reunited brought me to you.
I couldn't believe it, my heart was aglow,
And there was only one thing I wanted to know.
Did you still care, feel the same way?
I daren't ask, but you had your say.
You asked me first if I did still care,
I answered in truth...but was not aware...
How you longed for me too and did your whole life,
But I had a husband and you had a wife.
No pain did we wish on him or her,
But our love for each other we could not deter.
We loved them too...and would never leave,
We couldn't help it...we had to deceive.
We put them first in all we did,
Our feelings in front of them we covered and hid.
Our friends knew the truth, how again we were one,
We were not ashamed of what we had done.
We had planned our lives, knew how it would be,
Living with them, but still be...you and me.
Then the angels came and took you from me,
Took you from her...and your family.
We all felt the pain, the sick feeling inside,
You were gone from our lives, gone on your final ride.
Now from Heaven you look down and guide us all,
Making sure we do right...pick us up when we fall.
You care for us still from your Heavenly abode,
And one day we'll all follow you along that road.
But until that day...a long way ahead in time,
I sit here and know, that you are still mine.
©
Pebbles 2009
I miss you Brian...BamBam...MY BamBam.so very much.
Nobody has ever touched my life like you did.
Nobody has
made me laugh like you did,
Nobody has made me feel so special like you did,
Nobody has every loved me like you did.
Yes...I've been loved...I still am loved
but it's not in that very special way...the way you knew
how to love.
I often
wonder how many people have ever been loved like I was..
I doubt it's that many. I feel so privileged to have
been loved by you.
I often wonder who actually knew that I was your Pebbles
from long ago.
Pebbles and BamBam...born for each other...but torn
apart by
neither of us, nor anyone else...just a cruel twist of
fate.
But, it was the way it had to be...we had to meet
others...for your
children to be born...for our lives to be as it was
written for us.
I often wonder what my life would have been without you.
Tho we were
many miles apart for most of it, you were still in it,
as you know.
I
often wonder how many people "knew" besides the ones we
told.
And, did the people we tell, tell others? I will never
know.
I often think about others who had a second chance, my
granddad and his
Rosie, your mum and Fred. Like me, Rosie had such little
time with her
Alf. Your mum and Fred were so lucky second time round.
The first thing
I noticed about your mum and Fred was that she looked at
him the way
I looked at you...her face would glow and you could
almost see her heart
glowing too...and it was the same with him when he
looked at her. If only
everyone in this world could feel love like that! But,
even though we had just
those 3 short years, I am so grateful for them and thank
God every day for them.
Yes...we both knew God had
brought us together. You found that out
when you went to church after we had found each other
again...you heard
what you had to do...you knew that although it seemed
wrong...
it was also so right.
I
know now that people got hurt...and I am so sorry for
that hurt as
I know you are. It's not what we wished for.
You once said, if anyone asked you outright about me,
you would tell the
truth...you would not deny me as St. Peter denied Jesus.
That would have
been so hard to do. But they know now, and I pray every
day that they
have forgiven you. You meant them no pain...you never
stopped loving them.
I just wish I knew how they found out...what they found
out...who found out.
So many unanswered questions that stop me being at
peace...
maybe one day I'll find the answers...but I doubt it
very much.
So...you took the final road...you rode out of life and
into Heaven....and I
know that you are still riding...riding on the safest
roads imaginable...on the
most beautiful and fastest bike ever...with the most
beautiful scenery passing by.
Ride well, my love...
I miss you soooo much!
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